Dear Upcoming Newlyweds

Dear Upcoming Newlyweds,

Congratulations!  You have finally found the one person in the entire world that you want to spend eternity with!  I hope that through all of life's peaks and valleys, your spouse is your strength and support!

Wait...you've been together for...a month?  Two?  And now you are committing to spending the rest of your life with him/her?  Are you stupid?  Clearly you fail to understand the gravity of what you are about to do.

You know that feeling you get when you see your soon-to-be-spouse (henceforth named SO for significant other)?  That queasy, butterflies-in-your-tummy, awash with warmth feeling?  That's not true love.  You know all those cute things your SO does that makes you giggle or feel all weak-kneed?  That's not true love. That amazing feeling when you are lying together after mind-blowing sex and you feel like you are going to melt into a single being?  That's not true love.  And its not going to sustain you for a lifetime.

Remember that time your SO got so drunk you had to hold his/her hair out of his face while he vomited? When you could barely stand up straight yourself?  And the smell made you want to vomit, too?  Now imagine doing that when he is 70 years old, after his chemotherapy or radiation treatment.  That's true love.  Imagine having to change his/her pants when he/she is too old or infirm to take care of himself/herself.  That's true love.  Imagine getting up every night with the baby so that he/she can sleep, despite the fact that you are so exhausted you have a hard time rolling yourself out of bed in the morning.  That's true love.  Imagine putting all of your hopes and dreams on hold, potentially on fahgetaboutit, until his/her goals are accomplished.  That's true love.  And let me assure you...love isn't all it takes to make a marriage work.

You are about to marry a person you barely even know.  You have all the basics.  You know your SO's favorite color, maybe a favorite meal.  You are about to commit to spending the rest of your life with someone and you don't even know if he/she knows how to properly change a roll of toilet paper!

What's the rush?

A marriage is about mutual respect, communication, common dreams and goals.  Does your SO listen to you when you talk?  Do you listen to him/her?  Do you respect his/her point of view, even if it is different from your own?  When you have disagreements (and there will be LOADS of disagreements), do you just give in to stop the argument?  Does he/she?  Have you discussed children?  Do you know how he/she feels about corporal punishment?  Do you have the same spiritual values?  When you look at your life 10 years down the road, do you two see the same thing...or even close?  Do you like the same movies, books, TV shows, sports or hobbies?  Are you on the same page about how much "together time" is sufficient?  Do you want to see your SO grow and evolve into what he/she is, or would you prefer that he/she change <X> behavior to suit you?  Does he/she leave you room to grow and evolve?

Marriages aren't like toys...he who dies with the most definitely does not win.

Add to the equation that you are taking responsibility for human lives that may not even exist yet.  Children deserve two parents.  They deserve to be created in love and raised surrounded by love.

Step away from the edge of this chasm.  Think about this.  If you are serious about each other...serious enough to get married...then shouldn't you be serious enough to wait for a while?  If what you have together is real and lasting, then won't it still be real and lasting in a year?  If you are worried that if you wait, you might lose them...shouldn't you examine that concern?  Because if you are going to lose them in a year without a marriage, you are likely to lose them even WITH a marriage...doesn't that worry you more?

Good grief, can you please pull your head out of your ass?  YOLO, right?  Then shouldn't you take precautions to ensure that you are doing it RIGHT?